This article is the first in our series Building Resilient Families by our guest blogger, Laurie Morrison of Bare Hands. Laurie is co-founder of Bare Hands, a Mother, B.HSc and Strategic Psychotherapist and in this blog she shares her tips for ‘Self-Talk’…
Your children notice everything you do. No doubt you catch glimpses of yourself in their speech and mannerisms, the way they demonstrate affection, even how they argue. Sometimes you’ll look on and feel so proud, thinking “They’re just like me”, and then there are times when you think “Oh no! Do I really do that?”. We can learn a lot about ourselves by watching our children.
Check your self-talk
Are you your own worst critic? How we talk to ourselves is important. No one enjoys being criticised but we can get caught in a pattern of telling ourselves we haven’t done enough or been enough. The problem is that if we’re hard on ourselves, we’re more likely to be just as hard on others, especially those closest to us.
When we see a child who is critical of themselves or never satisfied with what they’ve done, we encourage them to go easy, remind them that they did their best or offer them another perspective. Do you do the same for yourself?
Practicing self compassion is like throwing a pebble into the water. It starts a ripple effect in the home, in the workplace, at school. Your example will encourage others to be more accepting of themselves as well. The ripple goes on indefinitely.
How to start?
Ask yourself, “Would I say this (inner dialogue) to a five year old child?”. If the answer is “Yes” that’s great, but if it’s “No” then replace the comment with something more encouraging. When you hear that inner voice saying, “You should have done more or been more”, just respond with, “I did my best and next time I’ll get more resources.”
Teach your children to do the same. Show them that there are times when you won’t be able to do it all, times when you need help. Show them how to be kind and considerate, to themselves as well as others and you’ll teach them what it is to respect and be respected.
If things haven’t gone just right this week, don’t beat yourself over the head. It’s easier (and less painful!) to accept “I need a little help”. Gather resources. Move forward. Be kind to yourself.
Three tips for the month
- Practice compassion - to yourself and others
- Ask, “Would I speak to a 5 year old the way I’m speaking to myself?”
- If not, find a more encouraging way. You’ll feel better and gain more respect too.
About the author:
Helping women develop and enjoy wonderfully dynamic family relationships is Laurie’s special focus. With four children, a clinical practice and as the co-founder of Bare Hands, she understands many of the challenges of modern day families and has spent the last 30 years studying and practising strategies and skills that really make a difference.
Bare Hands is run by allied health professionals committed to helping women embrace positive change by providing access to practical education. To find out more visit www.barehands.com.au
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